boy stuff

~for Gene

please god
send me a baby 

--a brother or sister
i prayed

i prayed this way nightly
until i was no longer a child

until our mother —finally with child
told me

~

we stood by the back door in the den
the spotted dog looking in 

linoleum     dark green on the floor
my father and i had laid tile by tile

the pungent smell of adhesive
the black stickiness on my fingers

this den we slept in all together
when the heat was too much

we drug the comforter in
unfolded the gold sofa-bed

and slept under the ac wall unit
blowing its merciful cool 

down upon us      like a blessing

this den   where i now stood
stunned     knowing 

my prayer:     finally answered

~

i stepped out onto the two-step porch
to join the dog and contemplate the sky

where i assumed then     god must live
thirteen years i had waited and prayed

for you  

~  

we cleaned out the guest room
—painted the walls jubilant yellow

repurposed some shelves from my room
refinished a chest of drawers that had belonged

to me and many cousins before
bought a crib

~

because we didn’t know your gender
no sonogram      no blood test would tell us

we simply had to take our chances
so me and mom marked up and dog-eared

the sears and roebuck catalogue:
some stuff for a girl/some stuff for a boy

~

after i came home from school
found mom ironing      everything

after dad and me had supper
eating from the tv trays in the den

in front of the black and white
mom said:  we have to go now

so we went and fast because
mom kept hollering dad’s name

telling him to hurrrrreeeeee!

~

less than an hour later
the nurse brought you to us

dad and me kissed your soft head
it’s a boy      she said

i’ve never seen a bigger smile on his face
i felt my heart warm and warm

when we got home it was my job to call up
sears and roebuck and order the boy stuff

~

you’ll turn sixty this year
& when i think of you

my heart warms and warms
the taste of you      newborn

on my lips

(c) d. ellis phelps

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